I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
