I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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