Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize