okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
