Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
