idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
