yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
