There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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