Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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