No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We need to get me chipped asap
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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