soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
