The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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