I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
