I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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