Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
a search helicopter?!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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