He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
