saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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