Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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