dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
