I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize