$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
