I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize