she is the kim kardashian of front butts
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
