Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus

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(206): View more from Washington

A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings

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(210): View more from Texas

masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE

(1-847): View more from Illinois

This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.

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(914): View more from New York

He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.

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(702): View more from Nevada

God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees

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(334): View more from Alabama

I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs

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