I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
