what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
