I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
