look no pants
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
