i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
