My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
