'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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