i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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