So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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