I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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