I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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