I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
