I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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