she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
