Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
