so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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