I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize