I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
