Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
