Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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