I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
