Soap is not a condiment
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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