if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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