Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dignity is for republicans.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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