my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
