Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
