Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
