We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
