EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A+ Viking dick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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