I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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