You smell like stripper and shame
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
