some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sorry my hands just texted you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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