I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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