You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
