my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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