It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
