my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
