In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
