Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
