this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
