you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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