if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am available for nakedness
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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