I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
