He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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