I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
